Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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