I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
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