I could make wine with my vomit
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Randomize
