Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I'm just crazy horny about you
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
