I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
