Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Randomize
