Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize