I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
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