I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
