My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
