I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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