i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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