I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
