..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
