I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
