u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
