Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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