i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Randomize
