My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
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