I'm going to rape someone's good day.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Randomize
