If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Randomize
