dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Randomize
