margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
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