Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
