i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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