i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
