You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize
