i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
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