I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
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