I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
