You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
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