I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize