Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
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