So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Randomize
