My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
i believe in u and ur pee
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