The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
where am i from again
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
