Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
