I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
