I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
