Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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