If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
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