Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
