haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Randomize
