My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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