I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
