the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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