I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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