# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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