i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
he shaved USA in his pubs
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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