Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Randomize
