So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Randomize