You made me cry and you don't even care
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
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