That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Couch. On fire.
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