how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
