Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
