I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
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