the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
