We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
