That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Randomize
