he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
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