Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Randomize
