You can't motorboat a personality
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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