He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
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