you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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