Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Hey
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GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
