Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
