Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
