i barfeds in our rink
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
