guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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