Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
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