You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
