so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
