He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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