My sheets look like a crime scene.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Randomize
