If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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