the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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