I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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