Apparently you make a good broom.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Randomize
